Many people despise living in a box and dedicate their lives to rebelling against it. They believe that by rejecting societal norms and expectations, they are freeing themselves from limitations. I recently had this conversation with a friend and decided to find something to back it up. That's when I discovered Reactance theory, developed by Jack Brehm in 1966. It explains that when people feel their freedoms are being threatened or restricted, they experience psychological reactance—a strong urge to regain that freedom. But here’s the twist: constantly opposing perceived threats can become its own trap, limiting one's thoughts and actions to this resistance.
What many don't realize is that this lifelong commitment to rebellion is, in itself, another kind of box. It can be just as confining and restrictive as the norms they detest. By defining themselves solely through their opposition, they end up limiting their own possibilities and perspectives. This is what I fear about conforming to a life built by forces other than my own autonomy.
I'm aware of the times I've forced myself to operate within the boxes of conformity, whether it was through the fear-mongering of church and religion, cultural norms, or parental expectations. For me, this was—and sometimes continues to be—a necessary skill. It allows you to get by and make the people around you happy. Or at least I thought so. In most cases, I can argue that conforming to these things keeps you safe and gets you ahead at work or school. However, there's no room for exploration and self-discovery.
When you realize how far you've gone checking boxes on a list you didn't write, the common-sense response is to think, "Who would I be if I forged a life of my own based on my own wants and desires?" You then experience some positive feedback from this real-time experiment and somehow find yourself down this rebellious path, trying to dispel all the gospels that have been preached to you over the years.
I've found myself in that second box but have quickly realized how romanticizing rebellion leads to little to no self-fulfillment. I now want to create a third box, one free of conformity and rebellion. A box that allows me to pursue life on my own terms, free from the constraints of societal expectations and the empty rewards of rebellion.
By consciously crafting this third box, I hope to strike a balance that enables true self-discovery and fulfillment. It's a journey towards a life driven by genuine desires, curiosity, and the freedom to explore without being tethered to the need to conform or rebel.